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(Trying To) Get It Together

Currently, I am sitting in a Starbucks just a few miles from my new apartment. It’s a small shop, but it has enough places for people to sit and study, it’s quiet, and there’s plenty of outdoor seating for when the weather is gorgeous. I am mentally reserving an outdoor spot for when autumn finally comes around.

Right now, I should be writing a analysis of a scholarly article for my online class, but I’ve had the urge to write since yesterday, and I can’t seem to convince myself to actually do it unless I’m in a coffee shop. What can I say? I’m a sucker for vibes and aesthetics. Sometimes, you’ve just gotta pretend your life is an indie movie where most of the plot occurs in a coffee shop, okay? Continue reading

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Thoughts On...

On Arriving

Adulthood has finally, truly arrived.

It’s been a while since I’ve written, but in my defense, I’ve been a little busy rearranging my entire life. Currently, I am sitting in the university bookstore near the medical campus of my new school, where I will be spending a lot of my time for the next half-decade. That’s right, I did it! I’m out on my own now. Just a couple days ago I was sitting in my childhood bedroom with my first ever best friend, contemplating all the changes I was about to face, and the long adventure ahead of me. She and I moved to Virginia in the year 2000 and lived in the same neighborhood. When we moved to different parts of town the next year, our families kept in touch, and we’ve been super close every since. Now here she was, seeing me off. I took all my posters and decorations off the walls, and left the it empty except for the blue paint and push-pin holes. I couldn’t believe it. I was actually leaving home for good.

I’ll admit I almost thought this day would never come. Now, I’m 25, and I am aware that many young people get to this phase of their lives way sooner. But knowing my parents, I didn’t think they’d let me go. I told them years ago that I wanted to leave at 25, and I wanted to go back to school, and work while I did it. As is my usual, I followed through. When I make plans, I stick to them. This is what I wanted. While I have craved this independence for as long a I can remember, I’m 400 miles away from my safety net, and I will miss having my parents to rely on. From here on out, it’s just me. But I’m okay with that.

I start my new job tomorrow, and my classes start next week. My priority right now is getting organized, and making sure I know where I’m going for the next couple weeks. I still don’t know where to park for school yet… but I digress. The point is, I’m in! I’ve got my schedules, so I have some time to plan out my days. I still rely heavily on my daily to-do list, and while I want to plan ahead, I think for a while I’m just going to have to take things one day at a time. I could easily get overwhelmed here, but I’m not going to let that happen. There’s way too much at stake. I’ve gotta put on my big girl pants, and if I feel like I’m struggling, I’m gonna fake it till I make it.

I’m not sure if it’s hit me yet that I have entered a completely new chapter of my life. Then again, I’ve been striving to meet this goal for so long that somewhere deep down, I knew it would happen. I knew I had to get out of my hometown, I knew I needed to go back to school, I knew I wanted a new job in a different field of nursing, and I knew I deserved it. I’ve worked hard, done my time, now it’s my turn to get what I want. I hoped and prayed this day would come, and finally, here it is.

Here’s to starting my new life. I’ve so got this.

– E ❤

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Thoughts On...

On Leaving

It’s Sunday night, and I’ve spent hours sitting in the recliner in the living room of my childhood home. As I look around at the pictures on the walls, mostly of me, and I realize: I’m gonna miss this place.

The county I live in is extremely boring. Over the years they’ve built more houses and stores and casual restaurants and the population never ceases to grow, and I don’t get it. Why would anyone come here, of all places? It’s not cheap to live here, we have the worst stretches of highway traffic imaginable, and the closest airport, club, or university is almost an hour away. I am very verbal about how much I hate it here, and I murmur to myself all the time how much I can’t wait to get out of here. Welp, guess what kids. It’s happening. I’m leaving. And suddenly I realize how much I’ll miss being here.

I’m not naive enough anymore to think my life will suddenly be perfect when I move to a city with more people and things to do within a short drive and shops within walking distance. I know a new job won’t change my life — any nurse will tell you, the grass is just as brown on the other side, usually. I know it won’t be perfect, but it will be new, and different, and in the long run, better. I’ll have so many more opportunities to live life, meet new people, try new things, and I won’t have to travel far to do them. I can go to school and work within 15 minutes of wherever I choose to live. The last time that happened I was at a local community college for a couple semesters, now I’ll be that close to my university for four years. I’ll have my choice of libraries to study in, restaurants to eat at, bars and lounges to hang out at, shows and performances to see, all so close to me. This is what I’ve wanted for so long: The city life.

But I’ll be alone.

Obviously, I won’t be alone forever. I’ll be closer to my boyfriend, and I’ll meet new people at work and at school, maybe other people who don’t know anyone. I’ll find people to call my own, eventually. I just imagine things will be difficult at first. And I think I will miss home the most in that vulnerable time. It’s not a feeling I am looking forward to at all. In those times, I’ll just have to remember how much I hate it here now. But you know what they say.

You never know what you’ve got till it’s gone.

– E ❤

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Fingers Crossed

I Did It.

Currently: I am sitting in a downtown coffee shop, one of my new favorite places. The sun is setting, the weather is gorgeous, and the temperature is perfect for spending time outside. It’s pretty quiet here for a Friday night, but there are lots of people around outside, enjoying the weather, hanging out with friends, having a good time. I am, of course, alone. But as I’ve said before, I am training myself to appreciate it, to take myself out, to enjoy things by myself. At the end of the summer, I’m moving to a new city 335 miles away from home, and I’ll be alone a whole lot. Continue reading

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Life is like an Airport

I like flying.

I like airports; I like how organized, efficient, and safe they are. My favorite airports are big, fancy, fast. I love that you can find everything you need once you get past security, and I appreciate security. Yes, prices are inflated and anything you buy probably won’t fit in your carryon, but I value the convenience. I like the emergency procedure review before takeoff; I like knowing that every crew member is prepared, even though the chance of something terrible happening is extremely slim (and I’m a fan of that, too). I like that most airlines are accommodating — which came in handy this weekend, when I missed my flight.  Continue reading

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Eternal To-Do Lists

Recently, I’ve started feeling overwhelmed.

Now, when I feel like I have a lot of important things to do, I tend to make lists. To-do lists, reminder lists, lots and lots of lists. I like to try and stay organized because that’s the best way for me to feel like I have my shit together, but this month those lists are so long, I’m not even sure how much they’re helping. I cross off one thing and add another — sometimes I feel like they’ll never get any shorter.   Continue reading

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Fingers Crossed

The Interview

Today, I have a phone interview with the graduate school I want to attend in the fall.

I think I’m ready. I’ve read up on graduate school questions, I’ve practiced my answers, I’m at the library where it’s quiet and I can focus, and I’ll take the call in a private study room so I’m not interrupted. It’s an absolutely gorgeous day out, I got a descent amount of sleep, I’m in a good mood – it’s literally the perfect day to take on an interview. I’ve planned, I’ve prepared, and I keep trying to remind myself, it’s just a phone interview. All I have to do is be myself, just more professional. I’m trying not to think about it too much so I don’t get nervous. I’m the type to ramble on about things when I’m asked a question, so the challenge will be to keep things concise while still making myself sound good.

Continue reading

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